She Told Me To Leave…

What I convey to the running community in terms of goal setting is frequently interpreted by outsiders as an expression of cryptic messages needing to be deciphered to crack the code of purpose. The route of presence I take to becoming a better person is a deliberate alignment of cairns that lend me daily obstacles to embrace moments that will harvest my growth. Those piles of rock that I welcome as my beacon of opportunity are an everchanging mystery of emotional reflection to the interpretation of how wildness helps me preserve the seeds of positivity in this world.

Admiring the glow of the hot coals lying in a campfire, a group of friends and I contemplated the question, is language required for communication? A habitual question that needs to be answered when embarking on adventures such as the Virginia section of the Appalachian Trail is the why that is disguised in the shade of the trees. My thoughts are slow and time is fast. When my ponderings find a path to outpace the seconds of life the sentimental lessons learned capture my passions for the current effort and I am able speak silently through means of forward footsteps.

Research into the affects long endurance activities has on the brain is still in its youth. For discussion, one articles concluded that a single stage ultra-marathon running race may cause acute increases in grey matter volume. The grey matter throughout the central nervous system enables individuals to control movement, memory, and emotions. Ever have one of those days at work where the simplest of task isn’t getting completed? You step away for a quick run and then magically you return to work and the problem is solved. Or, how about the blank stares into nowhere you’ve witnessed on many runners faces at the finish line of an ultra-marathon as they recollect in their minds what has just been accomplished. What I am getting at is my goals and why are always out there, but often times aren’t uncovered until the gift of an awakening is given to me by an open mind. What unfolders unexpectedly through the process on my endeavors is where my why is truly refined.

Random forest runner recently wrote of how one of his goals was becoming stale and how my external actions reignited his passion. He humbly would not take the credit for, but the teachings he’s directly and indirectly bestowed upon me over the years have countlessly led me to the well of possibility. During the ebbs and flows of training I constantly remind myself that yearly goals and achievements are in place as a building block in the journey to what I want to accomplish many years from now. With that being said, I’ve come to accept that though I have an idea of where I am going, I trust that some higher power will gift me with the uncontrived goals I yearn for.  

At the beginning of the 2023, I decided that I needed to remove the word someday from my vocabulary. It has always been, someday I am going to hike the AT. I’ve decided that someday is right in front of me, it’s now, today. We all know that I have a deep relationship with Frozen Head State Park. Frozen Head has provided me with some of the greatest memories and lectures of my life. Like John though, some of my journeys out there had begun to feel flat. Once again, his words lead me to the water. As I put my head down to bury myself in ignorance, I neglected to hear what Frozen Head was telling me. John’s word opened my ears and allowed me listen to what the park was telling me. The park was telling me to leave.

In early January of 2023, the first trail guide I opened for the Virginia section of the AT was one of those messages from Frozen Head that I ignored. As I spread open the three-by-three-foot map, the first mountain peak I read was Brushy Mountain Virginia. For those that do not know, tucked into the mountains of Frozen Head sits a closed maximum security prison, named Brushy Mountain Correctional Complex. Later during the year while out there on a long run, I hit a low point. I laid still in the dirt in hopes to cool off on rough ridge telling myself, any day on the mountain is better than no day on the mountain. As I looked up through the trees, I revisited that Brushy Mountain map moment. I rose from a brief nap and brushed the dirt from my legs. Caught in my hand was a bundle of two twisted needles forming a V, Virginia Pine. As I said the higher powers, let the goals come naturally, and when the park speaks, listen.

In the past I have fallen victim to the message of goodbye being construed as a negative connotation. Many of us including myself fear saying so long. My grandfathers would often remind me that the fear of leaving or saying goodbye is an indicator of a strong relationship. I’m about to put that theory to test. The bond that I’m about to build with VA AT over the next 540ish miles will be a blessing given to me by a goodbye. I still long for and strongly believe that sub 3, 7, and 12 hours are possible on the single, double, and triple Barkley Challenge Loops. My brief time away and separation from Frozen Head will allow me to me to build an even closer relationship with that park and trust me when the time is right those aforementioned goals will once again become fresh and accomplished.   

As I sat in bed at the Super 8 in Front Royal, VA by myself, living out of vending machine in the lobby, eating basically beef jerky and drink coke for 48 hours, I was overwhelmed with relief. I had just DNF’d 80 miles into a 540-mile journey. One would think a full year training block ending in this way would be a huge failure, but as I drove home in the rent a car the hunger for exploration and competition was larger than ever before. The trail had given me my uncontrived goal that I was looking for this entire through the means of epic failure. For 12 years I have wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. I never took the risk though because it did not seem practical. But now September 2023 I know what I need to do and the trail has spoken. For me the AT was never meant to be broken apart, it was meant to be a thru hike… and in 2024 I am giving it all up to achieve that goal. SOBO AT here I come.

            - Joe Jude

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