Spicewood…

How far will I go? To fit in. To feel self-worth. To be found. To be uncomfortable. To feel love. Over Mountains, through the dark, to the lowest emotional bottoms. How far I am willing to go? To discover. To discover my why.

Last year when I sat down to compose my first Barkley Essay, I struggled to navigate my way to find the why I deserve a spot on the starting line. Even more I struggled to find, why I wanted to compete at the Barkley Marathons. I was very fortunate to stumble upon Frozen Head State Park in 2020 when I moved to Tennessee. The park became a beacon of opportunity leading me cairn by cairn to new goals and accomplishments. The park guided me to a Barkley Challenge loop time of 3:14:18 and a 5-day adventure of completing five Double Barkley Challenge Loops. Two efforts I never dreamed of being possible. The park, its people, and its powers became my friend and mentor to uncovering the possible.

As I followed the 2023 Barkley Marathons through the limited news coverage, I was upset to find that individuals with large followings in the running community were fast to make negative conclusions about the race. Specifically, they expressed how the Barkley was not an inclusive event. I was angered by these comments but also blessed with the discussion I had with myself related to the event. Their negative words, health issues, and work conflicts that plagued me during 2023 gave breath to once again the park whispering it’s preaching through the yellow gates and into my heart.

Hiking back and forth from the Ranger Station to the Cap Stones of Chimney Top all day I was near my fifth and final summit. I felt as if I was King of the Mountain. Then the mid-day heat finally let loose and so did my stomach. Crouched over my sticks I emptied the two thousand calories of processed colorful carbs onto the final kicker section of Chimney Top. I sat on the ground with cold sweats for what I felt like an eternity. In a world of hurt, relentless forward motion got me to the capstones one final time. I then slogged my way back to the ranger station at a dismal pace. Laying in the dirt on rough ridge for a nap my why finally became unhidden.

Often, we measure our success in means of what was accomplished. For instance, the park goals I achieved in 2022 and mentioned above would be viewed by most as a successful running season. Compared to 2023 where I struggled and do not necessarily have a race accomplishment on paper, this would be seen as a down year. Yes, I failed to achieve many goals this year, but that failure is just a disappointment that will lead to a better outcome. How I recover from those losses will be a better gauge of my success.

I’ve always dreamed of walking step by step south bound on the Appalachian Trail. During my lows this year I began to research the possibilities of leaving my job and doing so. Finally taking a risk. The first map I opened for the AT was a Virginia map. Like Frozen head I’ve always had a trail connection with Virginia. As I ran my hand across the paper wrinkled map my fingers froze on a summit, as if a ghost was holding my hand to this point on the map. The first words I read on the map were a summit name, Brushy Mountain Virginia. I believe Frozen Head and the Virginia AT Higher Powers spoke to one another and decided together that their words to me were, it is time to go Joe Jude.

What the park was teaching me this entire year is that I, and everyone else that takes the opportunity to do so is an inclusion of the Barkley. The Barkley is not just a race that happens once a year. The Barkley is a symbol of opportunity. A token of comradery and friendship. A meaning of life.

As I previously illuded too, this year has been pretty negative for myself. That is no one else’s fault but mine. With that being said, this is not a letter asking to be in the Barkley Marathons in 2024. This is a letter to thank the Barkley for continuing to guide me in life. When times are tough it is my responsibility to take the opportunity to change my situation. It once again is time to listen to the Barkley.

With a lot to learn and much more of life to figure out, in 2024 I’ll be leaving everything behind and heading South Bound on the AT. I’m hoping to find along the way how I could bring the opportunities and the influence that I previously was blessed with to those who live in poverty, drug ridden, trail towns in our country that need it the most. My brief time away and separation from Frozen Head will allow me to me to build an even closer relationship with that park, and trust me when the time is right, I will be writing you again in hopes to toe the starting line. 

-          Joe Jude